Flown high from the castle of my heart.

In the three years I have been at Moody my flag, the Zimbabean flag, has flown three times. Each time I have found myself spiraling down the deep, dark tunnel of missing.

My heart, I can only describe, feels suspended from my body. It does not belong to this land I now call home. I lives apart from me. Yet, I have to get it back. So daily I pull on it's strings begging it to belong to me and this land. Many-a-time it obeys. It allows me to forget and love where I am. But then suddenly, on its own accord it will disapear on me. I search for it, I look high and low. It has gone to a place i cannot go to. One i have longed to return to but never have. One that is ingrained in my memories, and past. Is it part of my future? I do not know. My heart tells me it is, that it belongs to me as I belong to it. But my life must be lived in seperation from it.

The flag is flying today. As it waves back and forth in the spring air. I allow my heart to leap 5 years into the past. I revell in past events and moments. My eyes drip here and there and I remember.

I must keep moving though, i cannot stand and stare at the flag forever. There is a life to be lived here and now. I can only hope that my heart allows me to live in two worlds; that it is gracious to me and helps me to give to both then and now. But for today, it is not so gracious i stare into my past and long for a taste of days gone by.